BLOG––Encouraged by Faith

(Dealing with Difficult People)

Galatians 5:22-23

In horrible days that I now remember fondly, I worked in a stressful environment for a long time. My success was always uncertain. My competence was continually questioned, and not only by me. My job seemed perpetually tentative. Technically I was competent, and adherence to official policies and practices was never in doubt. Many company practices and procedures were written or revised by me as new processes and technologies were adopted in the aerospace-defense industry. My internal and external customers frequently took advantage of my weakness and taste for a well-crafted document of some sort.

Those very documents were the bones of much contention. It turns out that many scientists and engineers feel seriously constrained and personally offended by “Standard Operating Procedures.” Much like creative and inventive geniuses in the arts, PAGs (Professional Aerospace Guys) generally believe they are the sole possessors of esoteric knowledge and also the only ones competent to wield their awesome power.

Professionally, I belonged to the holy priesthood of Quality Engineers, assuring customers’ perfect and complete satisfaction. Deming and Juran are the prophets of this particular order of sanctimony, and I was a fluent advocate of their good news of statistical product assurance.

Actually, I only rarely officiated in that capacity after a honeymoon following my initiation into the sacred ranks. My real job was dealing with difficult people.

My bosses tossed me to these wolves as soon as they noticed that I have an odd personality quirk. In the face of intense anger and criticism, I displayed dispassionate endurance and rigid adherence to principle, practice, policy, and regulation. In negotiations, I could handle rage and abuse aimed at me without responding in kind. I did not take the bait when profanity and abuse were employed as intimidation tactics. Threats of all sorts slid off me. My only weapons were silence and a baleful stare.

Eventually, the PAGs ran out of steam. Sometimes they complained to my bosses who usually said “thank you very much” when they saw me later. A few of my bosses occasionally said some perfunctory words of rebuke with a wink. I found that my niche role was to be the one they sent to face the fiercest and most unpleasant people with which they dealt. I was often the official delegate to the demons. It felt uncomfortably like being a sacrificial lamb at the time, but I now see that I had a gift for protecting my boss and allowing him or her to work undisturbed by the ranting and raving of mad scientists.

Besides silence and the baleful stare, I relied on certain fruits of the Spirit in this role. You probably know the fruits listed in Galatians 5:22-23; Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness, Faithfulness and Self-control. Maybe you know the song. Everyone likes Love, Joy, and Peace. But Patience was key for me. 

Waiting for furious tirades to end without reacting with outrage of my own, I often reminded myself that I did not work for these people, even if some of them were my superiors. All that time, I actually worked for God. It was during the decades of my employment that I discovered that the fruits of the Spirit are borne by me for the benefit of others and that they may not be solely, or even primarily, for my benefit.

Patience was the constant need, but Kindness was also necessary. A crazed and resentful physicist is perhaps humanity’s loneliest element and one in whose life Kindness is often a grave deficiency.

Self-control was the other fruit most critical in my work. You may know that I am not so even-tempered by nature (don’t believe it? Just ask Wife.)

 Using self-control when reactionary and defensive responses would be more natural was an essential skill that I had to practice very diligently. I could not afford to let my irritation and indignation interfere with the mission. Fortunately, I had frequent and abundant opportunities to practice Self-control while under hostile fire.

It was a great experience to dispense Grace in the form of Patience, Kindness, and Self-control to people who may otherwise have been destroyed by return fire. In hindsight, I thank God for filling me with His Own Spirit of Holiness, equipping me to fulfill a role of uncommon difficulty with Grace and Humility. 

May God bless you as well!